Look At Me
by T.C.Rose
Summary: The first of my series dealing with poems that Tifa could have written about Cloud.


Author's Note: This is a poem I wrote years ago about a guy I was...err...am  
in love with. Please note that the events that happen in this poem  
actually did happen to me when I was in 9th grade. I just thought it could  
be something Tifa could write to Cloud. This is the first in my 3-part  
installment of Tifa's poems.  


I walk along this concrete hallway  
My face turned to the ground  
My feet can barely leave the floor  
My eyes can't look around

My life is shadowed in a cloud  
Dark and gray and dismal  
Forever raining on my pitiful parade  
And leaving me to only cry

I know not where I'm going  
Where I came from  
Why I am here  
Or for what reason I have for walking  
For living  
For breathing

My friends have all gone and left me  
Because my life no longer matters  
I have forgotten all I once knew  
And threaten mine own life

I have thought about it much  
Much in the past  
Of picking up that object  
And slicing my vein

Ending my suffering  
Ending my pain  
Ending my sadness  
Ending my life

I talk to no one  
They wouldn't care anyway  
They only think of themselves  
They wouldn't help

And as I walk so sad and lonely  
I see a figure standing in a crowd  
A figure I have seen so often  
And loved so much

I look up from my saddened view  
To gaze upon the face so bright  
That lifts my spirits and soar from here  
Upon a cloud into the light

Suddenly my pain is forgot  
Because now all I see is you  
Your smile brings a tear to my eye  
For all I want is your happiness

You talk, yet not to me  
You speak, yet not to me  
You gaze, but not in my direction  
You laugh, but not at my joke

I walk by and say hi  
All I want is a simple answer  
And yet you say nothing  
You won't even look at me

Is it just so hard?  
To answer my salutation?  
Did you not hear?  
Or do you just not want to respond?

I return to my lonely cavernless thoughts  
Wishing I could feel whole  
Whole with you  
If only you could look at me

I see you all alone  
And I decide to try again  
I say "hey"  
And I keep walking

You mumble a small "hey"  
But barely look my way  
Yet again, I feel shunned  
I say hi once again  
My friend says you nodded  
Oh why won't you look at me?

Is it just so hard?  
To answer my salutation?  
Did you not hear?  
Or do you just not want to respond?

Is it just so hard?  
To look my way?  
Can you not see?  
Or do you just not want to look at me?

I muster up the courage  
Gather all my thoughts  
And watch for you  
Wait for you

Why must I feel like a stalker?  
Why must I watch your every move?  
Why must I wait to see where you go?  
And when?  
This would be so much easier if you would just look at me

For days I have planned my move  
Made sure of all the details  
Worked on my emotions  
Thought of what to say  
An entire conversation thought up in my head

After class I stand at the corner  
Watching for you  
Waiting for you  
But you never come

Just like always  
You won't look at me  
I'm alone  
I feel a bit of anger swelling up inside me

You did nothing  
But you weren't there  
Not there to talk to me  
To hold me  
To look at me  
As always

I thought you were avoiding me  
Though you didn't know me  
And I felt angered again  
And alone all over

But you weren't there at all  
Stayed away unwell  
So all was well  
For you were not avoiding me

But now my confidence was shot  
All I had worked for had been lost  
And when the day came again for me to talk to you  
I cowered  
Backed down  
Backed away

I stared at you that day  
For my tongue was slit  
I could not say the words  
They leaked down my throat  
Back into my heart  
And were stored

But again the day came  
And this time I was ready  
I lost all sense of nervousness  
I was ready

I would stroll up to you  
Start my conversation  
Oh this will be so easy  
And great

I know just what to say  
I play it over and over again in my head  
Just to be sure  
And then I see you

I begin to cower  
Once again  
Just like always  
The puny little weakling that I am  
Always running

But then I remember how much I love you  
And I cannot back away  
I will not back away  
I will not run

And yet I still leave  
The people all around me  
They say to go and speak with you  
"Just do it we're right behind you!"

The only friend I have  
Walks with me  
Stays at my side  
As I walk up to you

"Hey what's up?"  
The first line of my dialogue  
I feel my heart beating ten thousand miles a minute  
I could just about faint  
Just waiting for your answer

Is it just so hard?  
To answer my salutation?  
Did you not hear?  
Or do you just not want to respond?

Is it just so hard?  
To look my way?  
Can you not see?  
Or do you just not want to look at me?

The words that come from your mouth are low of tone  
Barely above a whisper  
Nothing more than a mumble  
Yet for once you answer me  
And you look at me

We talk for just a few minutes  
Until the conversation runs dry  
And my friend pulls me away  
Saves me from seeming boring to you

But those few minutes were enough for me  
For as well they seemed like hours  
And for once I was happy  
Felt like I had left an impression

Thought that maybe  
Just maybe  
It was possible  
For you to like me too

But now the question comes  
Can I ever speak to you again?  
Will I ever feel at ease?  
When I'm with you?

I talk to you when I can now  
But you never start with me  
Never come up to me  
Never look at me

Is it just so hard?  
To answer my salutation?  
Did you not hear?  
Or do you just not want to respond?

Is it just so hard?  
To look my way?  
Can you not see?  
Or do you just not want to look at me?


End file.
